town-ed

Yeah! Went to town today with Shayenne. No longer tortoise in shell! Met up with Jeremy and his friend. While waiting for them, Shayenne and I had tea at Wheelock place. Chocolate truffle cake in a heart shape and ice chocolate! the drink was super nice!

Coincidently, Meidan was in town too- reading Confucius books! Walked all the way to Cathay Astons and queued super long for dinner together with dan's bf, dan's sister and bf. Had so much fun with Shayenne's new "yi-yi"(meidan). Kiss for yi-yi somemore!! aiyo, so sweet.

I love Shayenne's hair when it's tied up! absolutely love her little pony tail. SO CUTE!

This should be the theme song for the rest of your life to the people you've let down and hurt. Since the day I left you, I knew there was no turning back. So, I hope that you can move on with your life. Don't look back anymore. Both of us, should work hard to write a new chapter of our life. Let it go...

Ice cream night date

Travelled all the way down to Hong Wen school. So far from the MRT!! but still walkable. Taught a set of Grammar question and Compre to the Pri 2 and 3 students. Super F' up management.

Went home for dinner and out again to meet ( Ques: Why is it 'meet' not 'met' or 'meets' or 'meeting'? Ans: Because words after 'to' should be in base form) Vonnie! We've got a ice cream date at Hg mall Macs eating ice cream! HAHA. was returning library books when I saw Adel.T and Michelle! Yeah...

Spent some time with Von talking.. probably all of our life are jus as F' up as one another. no matter how tough the road is. we all know that there is still our family and friends! :) cheers!

ƃuoʍ uǝɯɹɐɔ

By nature, men are nearly alike; by practice, they get to be wide apart.

Went amk cathay to watch Confucius with dan today!! Great movie! No romance or very detailed war strategies. Purely on Confucius sayings, loyalty for country, brotherhood and integrity. Confucius original name was Kong Qiu. Was quite a touching movie that dan and I almost cried. quite a lot of handsome guys in the movie!

Went library and borrowed a book again written by Bernardine Kennedy. Previously read a book on "Past Chance" written by her and found it quite nice :)

"To be able under all circumstances to practice five things constitutes perfect virtue; these five things are gravity, generosity of soul, sincerity, earnestness and kindness."

it's like my ipod stuck on REPLAY

Had a super weird dream that left me thinking about. I woke up from a dream with someone I know from SJC but I can't see clearly who was it. She was shouting "If you don't forgive yourself, how are you going to forgive ******". If I don't forgive myself? huh..really left me thinking...

Went back to SJC after my practicum to buy the SJC bear. Available in $25 (bigger size, more fur) and $15 (palm size and cuter looking). Unfortunately, I came too late and the person went(WENT OKAY!) home alr! I really want the SJC bear..can't buy it anywhere except in SJC! :)with that cute little blue pinafore on it, Shay will love it also :)

So happy!!! Had my 2nd practicum visit today. and I passed! Another of my big stone down. Thank you to the teachers that helped me out and not forgetting Lecturer Julia :) Thank you thank you thank you. A million thanks to Mrs Yap and Mrs Lim :)

Another hurdle ahead, got to teach a Comprehension to a class at Hong Wen School this wednesday. if everything goes well, I will get the job :)

Hope everything falls in place as they should and those that are not in my plan will go away.

Cause you should be my lady~

Yeah! Meidan came over my house for dinner tonight! Hope you liked the food :) The last time you came over my house was 5 yrs ago and you slept over! HAHA, Shayenne had a great time with you, so did my parent. Come over often k :) and upload the photos soon!

Take my red black card and Jewelery

Saturday!! Went to Food EXPO!! FOOD!!! So happy, cause it's food :)) Bought ma la fishball, chicken rice ball, mushroom soup in a bread, taiwan fried chicken and nasi briyani :)) and my fav seaweed tak kae noi :)) Shayenne was so scared of the Tak Kae Noi big head doll. When the person waved at her, she cried super loudly.

Headed to Ikea to buy a new table which cost only $39! Gonna shift the computer out and rearrange the both rooms again for Shay and me. Walked over to Giant next and bought some groceries and the Hotdog bun! :)) food food food.

Went home and ate Cheng teng cooked by my maid. What a foodie saturday!

She's got to love nobody.

Friday- Gone with the wind. WHOOSH~

My hair smell so nice! Shampoo from Pantene, conditioner from Sunsilk and hair serum from Silkpro.

Hate fridays,. YOU-KNOW-WHY. Use to to LOVE LOVE LOVE fridays..but friday is more like fright-day to me.

ARGH, tuition later. I don wanna see that new boy! I think he has learning disorder. He is screwing up my whole class. How how how! Classroom management??? My phonics worksheet are getting harder too...But I love the satisfaction when I see my children learn something new and improve themselves :)

Classroom Management-easier said than done.

A principal really impressed me today with her words. A teacher must be pro active not reactive. Set your ground rules first, be a firm and strict but also fun and loving teacher. You can have the best teaching method, but if the classroom management is poor, the children will learn nothing at the end of the day. Without good classroom management you will be spending much time on playing arcade(hammering down the pop out mouse) with the children. It's classroom management first before teaching. The first two weeks of getting a new class is the most crucial part that will decide whether you will have a hell time or enjoyable time teaching the class. You can be firm and strict, but also fun and loving teacher :)

So inspiring eh! Can't rmb what else she said. BUT I'm gonna read up and brush up more on my classroom management.

I've been thinking these few days to get my contraceptive Implanon removed. but i'm scared, very scared of pain. I almost black out and fainted after watching the removal video.



First the insertion, I had to went thru it all alone so that to let the jerk play and not have any trouble. Now, I have to clear up all the shit myself. I don't have the courage and guts to go and have it remove. I will faint before the stupid stick is even out! Thanks to you!

want your bad romance

need manicure again :)

Shayenne has been behaving well for these past few nights, she can sleep by herself without me patting or carrying her. not forgetting her coming to give me goodnight kisses! so so cute.

She's talking alot now. When I say "one", she will say "two". She also knows how to say "A,B,C"! She knows how to call my cat "Jewel" and sometimes ask her "GO, Go, Go!" She knows how to call me "mama" alr (awww..how sweet is that!) When she sees my brother photo in my phone, she will say "jiu jiu (uncle)". When she doesn't want to eat something she dislikes she'll push it away and say "No want, no no no". When she wants to watch dvd, she knows how to say "High pie (five), Elmo, Money (Barney)". When someone is changing clothes, she knows how say "Shay Shay (Shame Shame). When something hurt her, she knows how to say "Pain pain". She knows her name "Shay-eun" LOL. she cant pronounce properly!! and she says milo as "My-mi". Super hilarious communicating with her. When you ask her something she will say "yesh". Do you want da bian? and she will reply "yesh". hahahha

Ask her repeat single words after you, she'll come out with lots of pattern! Shayenne must be placed in my life for a good reason. lovess....

Hurray Hurray!

I got a job! Student Care teacher with Pro Teach! happy with the working hours and pay :)) Big wide smile.

Gonna be a hardworking year for 2010 with my two teaching jobs on hand and studying and taking care of Shayenne. Thanks to my parent and maid who have helped me so much and still helping me :) I got an awesome family.

13.03.2010

I'm so obsessed with my JET!!! It's white white white! It has been quite some time since I gotten my Jet. But I'm still in love with it! easily contented:))



Didn't catch much sleep from yst tonning at VOn's house. Went Jb with family today :)) Had lots of fun. hahaha, camwhore in the car and lame jokes huh! Went to highlight and trim my hair and it looks damn awesome! I LIKE IT. Bought a cake and celebrated Ah yi's birthday in the car. like in the car? hahaha. Bought two lovely top. One halter neck top flora prints for beach wear and one grey halter neck my-stlye-of-top (the one which has creases in the middle). All bare back :) and the salesgirl said "Cantik" when I tried on the tops. HAHA!

I'm laughing at the biggest joke of 2010. OHH.

It's a Girly Affair!

Headed to garden's to meet von and mag for dinner after my tuition. surprisingly Joan came along too! went Frolicks to eat yogurt. Half price with the calendar! Thanks to Yvonne's church friend.

Went to Von's house and took 103 number of photos on her macbook. We were super high! LOL. The photos speaks it's all. played mahjong on Von's blanket on the floor because we didn't have a table. It was really nice to hang out with you girls!! crazy but i LIKE!!

Went SIM for the open house earlier on. So confirm. I'll be taking up Bachelor of Early Childhood and Management after I end my Diploma. After that, I'll join the police force!! whoohooo!! This will be my target and goal for the next few years from now. So yup, not gonna let anything distract me away from my goal :))

Everyone else is going overseas!!! I want to go too :( and sit aeroplane! I WANT TO SIT AEROPLANE AND GETAWAY TO AN ISLAND! away from sg...

Going to SIM later on to check out the course I wanna take! quick quick quick. faster study finish and sign on SPF. Years before I can fulfill my dream career.

Practicum postpone till next Tues :) Wake me up when March ends, then my diploma is finally ALL OVER. but it's gonna be tough for these 2 weeks doing the practicum folder and my assignments. ARGH.

I love my Samsung Jet. It's white and touch screen!

Watched the clip on Jack Neo and his wife appearance. My heart goes out to the wife. She and the kids are the real victims of this whole issue. Too many jerks and cheap woman in this society now. Tsk Tsk Tsk.

I'm so tired. So tired of my roles and responsibilities of a single mother, a daughter and a student.Ya, I'm not fit. God help me

mirror mirror on the wall

When was the last time YOU actually looked into the mirror and have a good look at yourself? Can you recognise yourself or is it someone else you see in the mirror that is not YOU. Is the person in the mirror YOU? Have you looked into the mirror and ask yourself what have you done for yourself, for your parents for your loved ones over the past 20 years you've been living after your mum painstakingly raised you up?

Have you ever ever reflected on what are you doing with your life? Treating your life as a game for you and everyone to play? Playing the game and one day tell your game mate- "Sorry, game over".

How does a mirror reflects YOU? YOU probably jus use it to gel your hair, shave your moustache. But who is the real YOU, can you find back YOU? All you see is just the surface of YOU in the mirror which means purely looks, looking nice and proper.

You need to find back yourself. Not ruining your life in your own hands.

Where are you...

My heart and mind is in a whirl now...A big knot and big stone that will never go away and the stone gets heavier each day.

I've forgotten the taste of tears. Built a wall around my heart. Sometimes I just wished I could have cry it all out. But I couldn't. Trying to psycho myself that I'm strong so nobody, especially you, can see my tears. So much so I cant cry now. Perhaps a good thing too.

Stoning has been my fav pastime now accompanied with my mp3. Stone in the mrt, stone watching the fish tank. Stone staring into the blank space.

I WANT TO GO TO KITARO'S CONCERT!!! I wanna watch The Realm of Conscience (Gong Xin Ji), I wanna watch Hua Mulan by Zhao wei. I wanna getaway from this island for a while.


"You do not know what love is, much more having the right to love"

Jesus take the wheel

" She saw both their lives flash before her eyes
She didn't even have time to cry
She was so scared
She threw her hands up in the air

Jesus, take the wheel
Take it from my hands
Cause I can't do this on my own

I'm letting go
So give me one more chance
To save me from this road I'm on
Jesus, take the wheel

So give me one more chance
Save me from this road I'm on
From this road I'm on
Jesus, take the wheel"

Baddie Baddie go away!!

Went to watch Alice in Wonderland 3D today. Very colourful, but I don't like the storyline. I need clubbing therapy :))

Mediacorp sent a letter to our house saying that they will be needing our house(as in any interested house in this block i suppose) as a shooting scene for the upcoming chinese drama. With dai yang tian, elvin ng, felicia chin, lin mei jiao etc etc. HAHA! Asked my papa to agree!! How fun would it be having them to shoot in my house!! wheeheee...

Shayenne chicken pox is mutiplying more and more! all over from tip of the head to the toes..after applying the calamine lotion is...very scary. My poor Shayenne :(

Stop haunting me, ALL of you.

I DON'T JUDGE YOU, I WILL ONLY DESPISE YOU.

God pick me because he know I am strong? Because I can handle it?

Was playing with Shayenne when I realise a small blister at her feet. Then I checked her vaginal area and ears. All got blister! Thought was HFMD. So quickly took her to polyclinic. It's a Thursday and SO many people! waited and waited for like 2 hours. 2 hours alone with shayenne! was like.. luckily she was quite good because I brought along all the barang barang I knew she that she will be needing it!

Finally when it was out turn, at 6.05pm. Doctor checked and said Shay is having Chicken pox. Gave 4 bottles of calamine lotion! hahahaa, because I kiasu ask for more.

Feeding Shay medicine is a tough one...End up my face all paracetomol cause she will spit and pooo the medicine out. then she will pretend to vomit. One clever girl eh. Putting the sticky cool gel on her head also the same. See the sticky gel cry alr. Paste on her forehead and she wailed for like 20 mins till the whole block can hear.

God bless me man.

whoohoo~~ i am over with my first practicum lesson!! And I passed!! Yes yes yes!! Thanks to all teachers and Mrs Yap, my principal, who have helped me out so much :))

What I've gained is much more than what I've lost. And what you tasted is only the beginning. The beginning to all horror!

HOHOHO. Let me see...within one month. I watched 4 movies!

Avatar 3D: need to take short breaks from the specs.
14 blade: Love my Donnie Yen and Zhao wei and love Donnie Yen!
Percy Jackson: ohhh, the cute guy who turns out to be traitor.
The wolfman: Ever frightening. The woman beside jumped from her seat. LOL.

And also pool sessions! Missing out all these in my past life now time to enjoy! Some people are scared of being single and lonely. They can't live without feeling love from an opposite sex. How sad had the world become like this. I pity these people. From one to another, always seeking, stop for a while and to another again. Sour grapes? Not at all. Why tie down when still young? -Girls just wanna have fun

Are you looking at the same moon as me?

The moon is so beautiful today. Lunar 15! mummy made a super big Yu Sheng and many tang yuanS :)

FAMILY IS: Father Mother I Love You :))

I am really Sotong to the max!! I drew $20 from the ATM and I forgot to take the money! tsk tsk tsk. My brain cells are dying on me at the age of 21.

Practicum date is next wednesday! Got so many things to do. I haven even started on my practicum folder and not forgetting the soon-to-be-due assignments. It's gonna be the end of my Diploma road but it's like the toughest part..suffocating me~

So addicted to Lady Gaga songs now.whoohoo :)) I want my peaceful life.

Tuition tmr! The world is so small again. One of my boys in the tuition class so happen to be in my practicum childcare class that I'm taking! so cool. So he sees me everyday and friday night. lol. "You like Teacher Carmen?"

GET OVER IT

I just want to lead my life peacefully without you. Really, Don't bother to look for me or find me anymore. Don't step into my life again. You think I'm stupid or senile to not know what is happening around? I can tell you, the world is so so so small. Everybody is watching and listening what you say what you both are doing. So probably when u go out next time, wear a mask so that no one can recognise you.

Why is everyone keep asking me the same question. "Are you going back to him?". Seriously, I had never been so sure with my decision and have not regretted will not regret my decision in leaving that guy.I had never been so strong and firm in my life. but this decision made me. I thought I couldn't live without you last time. I gave you everything to keep you with me, giving away even my pride and dignity, everything. I just want to live a life which is a life. something worth living for. not those 4 years that we had lived. I regretted it so much.

And for goodness sake, you think I'm like you?! can jus go into another relationship or change partner immediately? or say love another den love another? Do I look so cheap and loose to you?! you are those that will die without woman. I am not. Family love and true friendship is something you will lose out in life. What is the point of filling your empty vessels with love from girls? Fill it with something more meaningful.

Just don't come and bother me or myy family anymore

SENTOSA!!

more photos on FB!

There is just something and some things that an IJ girl is different from all other girls.
There is just this special bond and love between IJ girls that no other girls can understand.
This is what makes us IJ;
That's probably god's way.

It's friday lo! So fast. Almost forgot I had to teach tuition tonight. and I was late! Class was okay today I guess.. Expect that the comp at the tuition centre crash and no worksheets for the children. and i had to impromptu think of activities to do...

一棵开花的树

一棵开花的树
(席慕容)

如何让你遇见我
在我最美丽的时刻　为这
我已在佛前　求了五百年
求他让我们结一段尘缘

佛于是把我化作一棵树
长在你必经的路旁
阳光下慎重地开满了花
朵朵都是我前世的盼望

当你走近　请你细听
那颤抖的叶是我等待的热情
而当你终于无视地走过
在你身后落了一地的
朋友啊　那不是花瓣
是我凋零的心

This poem is so so so nice :))

Great. It's because of ppl like you both that turns the whole world upside down. Wait for your Karma.

Last day of class today! Devi called me at 4pm only to tell that we need to hand in our Individual Assignment today! 1.5-2 K words write up in 2 hours. GG! With my little shadow hanging around beside me throwing tantrums seeking my attention, at least I managed to complete. Reached class at close to 8pm. Just sign attendance and party.

Party! Everyone brought so much food! eat and eat. YEAH! finally last day of class. 2 months more to my Diploma Cert! Then I can advance my studies to join police!!!! hurray!!!

Lye nuquernuva sen e dagor. I'narr en gothrim glinuva nuin I'anor. Agaryulnaer, Morier, Wethrinaer, Feuyaer, Gayaer, 'Ksher !!

new phone, new line, new life

WHOOO!!! I AM SO LOVING MY NEW PHONE- SAMSUNG JET and it is the white edition! wheeeheee. Thank you papa!! finally got my touchscreen phone lo!

Went to watch 14 Blade. Not bad. My fav Donnie yen and Zhao Wei!!! 715 and Wu ZUn. Find that Wu Zun very extra in the show. and he looks like Pirates of the Carribean. worth watching and it's very funny :))

When I think back, Suddenly, I feel that you cannot live without relationship. You need to have a girl thruout your whole life. Just any Mary, Jane or Girl. you just need a girl. maybe you are sick in your head somewhere ba :)

Hush Hush

Yst night was so re nao! God ma and god pa, Kiara and Tyron, Theron and his gf, Xander and Xandon all came my house for dinner!! whoohoo. The whole house was like so lively! plus Shayenne 3 babies in the house.

Everyone got so well along with each other :)

You know what, I am living my life happier now. Definitely much more happier and more meaningful then the life you both are leading now. Don't act pityful in front of me, saying what it's the lowest point of your life, you are going to be charged or what. You created all these shit. why still come and harrass me when you still got your Ivy. double face freak. I don't have to do anything to you, god sees.

Because of YOU, any idea how many people you have hurt? Top on the list would be your MUM AND DAD. you seriously owe them a life time apology. I really cant think of any reasons why they still help you out so much except only LOVE; because you are their son. Think of it, what have you done to make them proud? nothing but giving them trouble and worries all these years. All the girlfriends you had, all the shit their parent gave your parent. You think they like it? Thought after having a baby a family, you would settle down. I have nothing to say to your parents except thank you them for these 2 years of staying with them. How are they gonna face your relative and their friends again. You should have seen the tears in your mum's eyes when I left the house. Your parent, Shayenne are all the innocent ones. I have no idea what they owe you in their previous life. Seeing you like this, their heart hurts even a thousand times more. If you see my post, then please.. Don't create any more troubles or worries for them. be a good son.

WHAT CANNOT KILL YOU, MAKES YOU STRONGER!

It took me 3 years and 9 months to learn a lesson. A lesson that makes me stronger and have another meaning to life :) If weren't for this lesson, how would I ever know that my parents, my family love me so much and the friends around me. This is something you BOTH will never get to experience in your next entire life- Family love, the greatest love on earth.

And I'm now having mini clubbing!! in front of the comp and my ear piece. Whole house sleeping, even my hamster, my cat and the cockroaches. If not I'll blast the whole room!! ohhh ohhhhh ohhhhh!!! SOme drunk guy just msged me "HAHA, I AM HAPPY CLUBBING NOW." so? do i look like i care? I wouldn't even care if you are fucking her right now , would I even care if you are at the club?!

thinking of you makes my blood boil. blood circulation better, more oxygen to my body cells. thus making me feel like vomitting and I feel very very giddy. till i wanna faint.

Went Jb today with dad, mum, ah yi and Shayenne. Bought like so many many stuff. and my dear kept clinging on to me like koala bear. koala bear on a bamboo pole...

Thursday

Eeeeyer....can you believe Jordan is with that girl. Everytime I think of that, I lose my appetite and feel like vomitting. That explains why I only ate chicken and starbucks mocha for the whole day. I don't feel hungry at all.

Chaotic mums. Went town with Kiara and Jaslyn and Jeremy today. LOL. Jaslyn super funny and entertaining! was nice meeting you girls :) and I am not suppose to blog about the buy 3 get one free belt over here. WAHAHA.

Char bo during break time at class today because the lecturer was super duper boring. 4 Faith's gathering tmr!!! whooohooo!!! gonna club tmr after meeting girls at timber@substation tmr. Busy busy busy week "))

when a spouse leaves

"Have you noticed how the wounded partner in a divorce, the person who is clearly the victim of the other's irresponsibility, is often the one who suffers the greatest guilt when the marriage breaks up? It's true.

Marital disintegration is seldom the fault of the husband or wife alone. There's fault of the husband or wife alone. There's always some measure of shared blame. However, when one marriage partner decides to behave irresponsibily, to become involved outside of marriage, or to run from family commitments and obiligations. that person usually seeks to justify his or her behavior by magnifying the failures of the spouse, For a husband or wife with low self esteem, these charges and recriminations are accepted and internalised as indisputable facts.

If you're in this situation today, you must resist the temptation to take all the blame. You might begin to see yourself as a victim, rather than a worthless failure at the game of love."

-taken from "FOCUS family" today paper.


went for excursion today to Chinatown. Hot sunny day and we were all walking along the streets of Chinatown. Fun bringing the kids around buying new year goodies. Headed to bugis to meet Kiara after practicumt to shop! fantastic. went body shop and got serve by that trans. but she was really sweet and nice.

Sometimes in the childcare, when i walk around and see the happy family photos of the children with their dad and mum, brother and sister or drawings and writing about m"MY FAMILY". this is my daddy, this is my mummy...i feel like crying out loud...

tired

Today's the first day of childcare for Shayenne and first day of practicum for me. Got up early, argh. My dad drove both of us to the childcare which is like hidden among all the bungalows. The kids there are like rich family kids and lots of caucasian children.

Compare to the facilities to the Cherie Hearts I worked previously. The classroom is so much lacking in need of new materials and new makeover. Plastic sheets were falling from here and there. Learning corners don't look like learning corners. But manpower wise, it's so so much better here. We had like 4 teachers including me to 14 children.

Met up Kiara for lunch at macs and accompanied her for another "Young mothers" interview. Was so tired i fell asleep on the table. Woke up and felt like vomitting. Headed outside to do my manicure! Whoho. The person said I had very nice nail. Painted HOT PINK. whohoo and im so addicted to my beautiful nails now. Devaki even said it looked liked those paste on kind cause the shape and colour were really nice!

More activities coming up this week! can't post all here cause some irritating stalker loves to come here and dig for evidence to pin against me :)

Lord, take me

I don't know how to start where to start. I've finally made my decision. to leave him for good.

God ma and kiara, if you're seeing this, I would really like to thank you all so much. if without you god ma, I would have alr jumped down and die. I love you both so much. I really thank god for placing you u both in my life, i will never ever have enough to thank you and repay this love.

I know I have to leave that guy. Sleeping on the same bed with a guy that is seeing another girl outside. I use the word "girl" not "woman". How scary can it be. Till now, whenever I think of this. My heart feels so much throbbing pain. I don't know how long will I take to pick up the broken pieces of me. Broken and shattered. That's what is left of me now.

Can you imagine, this year CNY would be spent so differently..

To Jordan: When I leave you, It's not that I don't love you. You asked for a seperation a cool down period. What is your cooling down period? You didn't even tell me. Cooling down means having a relationship with a random girl you just know? Cooling down means not coming home to sleep and spend the night outside?

Whatever it is, I can't possibly live or stay with you anymore. You really hurt me to the max of the max of the max. You could have chosen to live happily, with your mum, your dad, Shayenne and me. Go for family outings, laugh and joke at home helping one another out in the house. But you chose to indulge. indulge in temptations.

I don't think I am a nasty or unreasonable wife to start with. I gave my best and kept the best everything for you. these 3 years and 9 months. Till you took me for granted slowly and slowly, think just by providing financial need to Shayenne and me would be enough. I learnt to be a good daughter in law, a good wife and a good mother in every role I play. I respected your parent and love them as my own. I serve you as a wife so much so I feel myself become a slave for you. I can stand up and proudly say that " You can never ever find a daughter in law, a wife and a mother of your child like me. "

I thank my family who had always been so wonderful and supportive. My mum, My dad, My brother and my maid! You all showed me what's the meaning of FAMILY LOVE. mummy and daddy has never never forsake me. If i say I'm stronger. Papa, mummy, you both are the strongest. I love you both. Pardon me for unable to tell you what happen to me and Jordan. Because i will sure breakdown and cry like shit, if I were to tell you. I don't want you both to see me hurt because i know then you both will be more hurt times hundred times. I have to control myself in front of you both. Be your happy and smiley girl.

The only 2 things I pray for is courage and strength to walk this road with Shayenne. And also, Jordan to have repentance and wake up from his nightmare, if not, he'll be just destroying his life and definitely will have lots of regret in time to come.

Thanks my friends, all around, from facebook to msn to sms. Thanks for all your words of encouragment and support. There is only so much you people can help me, the rest is up to me.

Jesus take the wheel

Thanks jeremy. For telling me of this song-Jesus take the wheel.

How can this song totally reflects on my life..I totally brokedown right in front of the comp. I cried and cried so much. I cant do this all my own. I really cant. my tears just cant stop. I think of Shayenne,my heart aches even further.

Shayenne: Mummy is really really very very sorry to you. Mummy failed. Mummy failed utterly this time. Mummy should have given you away to someone else who would give you a perfect family and cherish you. Not jus some 21 year old Mummy who is so screwed up and lost now. You don;t have to suffer at all. Mummy is so screwed up. Mummy doesn't have the courage and strength to carry on from here.

I wondered how I got past today. Cant believe I broke down and cried in class while the leacture was lecturing. Tried so hard to control myself in the train untill I got home and saw Shayenne standing at the house gate. She was so happy that I came home and keep waving to me and say Hi~ How sweet and heart aching that scene can be. I cried on the spot knowing she's gonna lose either a daddy or mummy. So heart wrenching.

I had no motive of condemning jor or trying to say how bad he is. It was the past. It was those that I am still surviving now learning how to brace myself up and making the correct decision. it can be so irony that love is blind. love kills too...

For the next one hundred times you ask me. Am i okay? I am not.

AWESOME!

Thanks to you Jordan, for giving a chance to club!

Met adel at hougang and took a cab down to clarke quay, made a little star UV temp tatoo on the shoulder and Adel had a butterfly on her chest! pretty :))

Met up with her friends 1 girl, 3 guys to REBEL. had two cups of Vodka mixture and got high alr!! we danced and danced and danced.. felt so WHOOoo! never in my life had i danced like this before. really danced. kinda got many weird guys coming to do weird stuff. but we had so much fun and laughter! WEIRD people..

got home at 5. and my feet is breaking! never gonna wear heels to club anymore. ZOUK next friday! awesome :)))

hit the club and forget your troubles. im lovin such life.

hurray :) Language and Literacy Module is finally over. So is the big book and the dramatisation. met a friend for dinner at marina sq after lesson. Thanks for your dinner :) but no thanks for your replies in the train. you made me cried.

next next saturday lesson have been postpone to tmr night. arghs, have to cancel my tuition session at Lizbox tutorial. See, now become bad teacher cancel lesson. will be going to raffles place 3 days in a row. damn tiring. hate to squeeze with all those uncles and those bangala. damn pervetic. saw one of them peeping into an indian girl's top while she was reading her book. i stared at that bangala, keep staring at him until he look back and stare at me. beat you up to pulps!

Woke up at 3.30pm today. Think i'm gonna sleep very very late again. Watch my HZGG! :))

hoHoho

sat at the table for 4 whole hours completing the big book for assignment tmr. "The bear and the three hares." my art is quite good i must say :)) Uhu glue all over..

People just aim to get a pass or an A. I aim to get a A with a PLUS. A+
A+ or not at all. same with my life.

你是風兒我是沙

風也飄飄,沙也飄飄

風兒吹吹,沙兒飞飞

風兒飞过天山去

沙兒跟过天山去

how beautiful are these few sentences. but hard to find

dont say you love me, you dont even know me

WHAT THE FFFFFFF*****

ok.i'm reallyyyyy okay! :)) too okay in fact. just cant wait to join the police force now. urghh... getting a degree seems sooo far away! i don't care!

assignments are killing me.till i can't breathe!!! and i still have time to watch my Huan Zhu GeGe!

J.L: I must have spend too much time daydreaming and the reality became a nightmare! big time liar, you succeed into making me hate you. feel happy about it alright. very very happy ya. it's no difference from throwing me down from the 7th floor blk 104! You could have just bloody hell tell it in my face. blah blah blah.

I AM FINE. I AM REALLY OKAY!

im not ok

im not okay. even though i have to be..pretend to be, force myself to be...

went for tuition in the morning yst, had a little not feeling well..the kids from Pr3 are..wtf..so unruly and ah beng. strained my throat so much. 3 classes in a row. really cannot tahan after that. almost fainted in class.

felt so lost after class, din noe where to go. took a bus back to serangoon's clinic to see doctor. having a throat infection. viral infection. went to aunt anna house to look for kiara after that. and baby xandon was so cute! and thanks xander for your lovely kiss! haha. spoke to aunt anna. and felt...hmm...i've made my decision.

was around 8 when i felt i couldnt hold on much longer. i need to rest badly. took a cab back to punggol. my throat was killing me. cant breathe, cant speak, cant swallow saliva. everything pain. didnt eat anything the whole day. everything is just suffocating me so much. had no appetite either. i jus wanted to sleep. woke up at 1am, realise i had high fever. felt like fainting alr. it was really bad last night. lied on my bed and brokedown. i felt so helpless and useless. everything and anything.

Shayenne is still at serangoon. how.

pissed

went marina sq for the Home Team Career fair this afternoon with jeremy and jeffery. and confirmed private institute diploma are not accepted.

spoke with a inspector who took 15 years to climb from coporal to inspector. with degree, cao cao go in inspector alr.

so, now, gonna apply for degree in early childhood and management at SIM. then join police as a senior police officer! whoohoo!! 9 months of residential training. plus 3 weeks of overseas training. woots!

i have set my career goal! yes! DSP WONG here i come!!!

shouldn't have agreed to do relief teaching for tmr!! siao. 3 classes in a roll. then got to rush to raffles place for my dpt class. preparing the children's worksheet now. and of all time, Shayenne has to poo poo now!!! don't need sleep alr.

glimpse of hope!

I SEE A GLIMPSE OF HOPE FOR MY FUTURE!!

finally back home! went to borrow Huan Zhu Ge Ge vcd from jeffery. and thks for making me wait for so long under your block! gonna chiong all the episode.

HURRAY! got As for both my group assignment! so so happy. AND! gonna make a big move for my career and future! im gonna further studies! am really despo to get a good education.

path one- take my Diploma and go Ngee Ann poly for advanced diploma
path two-take my diploma and go SIM for degree.

whhoohooss!! uber excited about further my studies now! wad my mum said is right, im like a hungry hungry person for food. and having to further my studies is my food! im so gonna treasure my second chance again! i've most likely settled for path two. take a degree!! hurrays!! there is still hope for me!! yeah yeah yeah~~~

but....i dunno how dear is going to react after hearing this. sure kena pour cold water. "WHAT! STUDY AGAIN!" "I ALSO GOT NO CHANCE TO STUDY"

but anyway, my mind is set on a degree. then join police force! at least when i grow old kena kick out by police. i still have a back up degree for my career. :)))

是我想太多 我也這樣說

so full now...jus came home from supper with yvonne at Serangoon Gardens.. stupid. the indian man cheat our money! we ordered two naan with a few pieces of pathetiq tandoori chicken, ice milo, ice teh. total bill $18! siao. only when we came back home and calculate then realise stupid kena cheated. see us young girls nice to bully #%$&*($%^#$$

Adel was suppose to meet us for supper after 12am, but she's still working :( will meet up another. von ah, must meet up more! :)))

YIPPIE! finally called the Babies by the Park today with Ms Amber(the supervisor) and decided i'll start my practicum on 1st Feb! hurray. thats because to accomodate Shayenne. The toddler teacher will only be coming in on 1st Feb, thats why in order to work and accomodate Shayenne have to start in Feb. Which means i have only 1 month to clog my 200 hours = have to work full time :(

back to class today. bombard by so many going-to-be-dued-assignments! 2 on hand and plus i haven even started my practicum blah blah blah...rmb to call me wake up early tmr to do marketing. no more fish and vegetables alr...

gonna get myself a good eyeliner and body mist from the body shop tmr!

went for mum in law's father brother's son wedding at Grand Copthorne Waterfront today. Seems just like yst when we both use to work there at that exact same ballroom doing the banquet!! haha, and i rmbed you telling me while working- the 100th wedding will be ours. viewed the couples wedding footage. "NOBODY NOBODY BUT YOU!"

fantasizing my own ideal wedding. I would love to have my wedding dinner at C.H.I.J.M.E.S. and the wedding march in would be live, playing on piano-Canon In D :) there are so many many nice love songs to choose from! haha, wait till got money get married then say.

yeahs~anw classes are starting tmr. love travelling to raffles place, watching all the ppl walk by. maybe stay at home too long..even travelling to classes also happy :)) hehe. meeting up with Von and Adel tmr after class!!! yeah! double happiness. gonna chill out at Chomp Chomp there. probably get a drink and girls talk :)) can eat my prata at chomp chomp too. triple happiness! life is actually so simple, but sometimes we just tend to complicate it. playing mind games all the time. when will i ever be happy with my life :(

It's not easy to be me

he's back to camp again! will be so peaceful from now all the way till FRIDAY!! hahaaaahaa :))) damn bad of me to feel this way.

have been thinking and thinking the whole night till 7am this morning. and i've come to a conclusion that I WANNA JOIN POLICE!

to you: SO WHAT you think the salary low, benefit low, sit at NPC do bo lan duty. SO WHAT if i have to do shift work and you still got the cheek to tell me "then baby who take care, then you wont have time for Shayenne!" when you were the one coming home to be KING. and leaving me doing everything and taking care of SHayenne when you jus rot in front of your comp! don't say changing her diaper, you cant even make ONE time milk for her, wash ONE time milk bottle for her, feed her lunch or dinner. You cant even wash your own cup and hang up your own shorts. always looking for your slave to do everything for you. jus because you're the sole breadwinner for this family and IT"S MY RESPONSIBILTY. it's my responsibility to lower my pride and status in this house to fufil your so called "responsibility". ya?

i cant even have a say in my career. everything is YOU THINK you think.the grass is always greener on the other side. you ask me to join air force. i dont even have any interest or passion for anything in air force. join for the pay and benefits??? thats what you want. YOU want. you and your wants. you are always so domineering. you want to be powerful in this house. you know you can get your way in everything you want because im good to bully and easily give in. thats how we landed up with the 2 and Shayenne. You jus cant get anything into your thick skulled brain. its your character. i had enough. :(

>>>>>>>>>>>>


but anyway! jus ranting my thoughts. tough time dont last, tough man do. Only he who can eat the bitter of the bitter. Can become the man above the men. yes! so thankful that i still have Kiara to have our mummies talk and wife talk! listening to superman now :)) it' not easy to be me...wish that i could cry, fall upon my knees.

trying so hard to be away from you.

can you see how tired i am?

can you see how tired i am?

haven't been sleeping well these past few days. everything and anything else is draining my energy off. where should i continue from here. take a step forward or miss the chance to be free and remain stagnant forever.

teacher or police officer? "when i grow up, i want to be a policeman!" so i must work hard now to secure my diploma and join the police force :)) speaking of this, night classes are starting next tuesday..good for me too..at least i can get out of the house to breathe. at least for the 3 hours.

had my Phonics tuition class yst. They told me to take the relief teaching for next Sat. Pri 1,2 and 3 English. all the way from 10am to 3pm. fuck care, jus chiong. got money to take, got things to keep me pre occupied, why not!

more or less, we've lose everything.

it's not easy forgetting someone. saying "forget" but knowing it's hard to do so...how many times can we restart our life and CTRL Z our life.

you taught me how to love, but you didn't taught me how to let go.

WTF!!!!

2010

ages since i last blogged!! and its year 2010 alr! no any specific emotions or feeling or new year resolutions. It's just the changing of date from dec-jan and 2009-2010. days are still the same!! any diff if it was 2010??

spent the new year counting down at marina. love the fireworks :)) my practicum is coming.. seriuosly i have lost so much weight over the past few months. stress and more stress..even had nightmares of doing practicum. life was never easy. who said so. ahhh..at least food still gives me the energy and strength to look forward to life. slurps!!~

will be having my practicum at Babies By the Park. and where the hell is that. 200 hours, fucking many things to do. a total killer.

Shayenne's now a big big girl, though still cries every now and then. She knows how to say many words alr. but jus dun wanna open her mouth. will take it naturally, when its time for her to speak, she will :) good at throwing tantrums now. best at dropping down on the floor to cry LOUDLY for attention and to get what she wants. starting to throw objects n stools on the floor. bad behavior huh girl. shall apply teachniques i learnt from my diploma!! haha.

the future has it's uncertainty

it's just me,carmen wong

was at my punggol home when i dug up a whole lot of childhood pictures with didi and family :) my dad really did a great job in documenting all the times we had. of course, he was a photograghy expert. more photos on facebook!

so hooked on the Ch5 tv shows! Growing Up, First touch, Beauty and the Geek and so much more! The future is still ahead of us, it's so nice to see how strong family love can be :) and how some woman can be so BIMBOTIC! Haha.

BREAKAWAY!

brought Shayenne back home :) (my punggol home). Went JB with family. Shopped ard for mooncakes and so much fun! letting Shayenne sit the 50 cents kind ride, playing DVDs for her on the car, buying her favourite Hi-5 and Barney shows, zooming her ard in the carrefour trolley!

Helped mummy to make mooncakes too :) don't want to see her working so hard till backache and leg ache..

Went AMK hosp to visit granny and we bought her a huge big sunflower that makes her day! coincidently meet my ah ma who also went to visit her in the hosp.

Had so much fun at home, playing the AHHh AhhHh chicken, didi's hamster and our cat- Jewel which hisses at Shayenne everytime she gets near her. Haha! :)

I'm lovin it our future would never be the same again, all because of you

long weekends :)

Shayenne and Leoric


Shayenne and Xander


Watching Sesame Street

Taking her MMR jab

GET A LIFE MANN!

FLTC has moved! all the way to raffles place. I hardly use the lift! It's those kind of weird shape lift that can only carry 4 ppl. you have to manually close 2 gates and you can see every level. SO ANTIQUE! looks like it's gonna break down anytime.

my guppy has gave birth tonight!!!! 9 in total, 2 died. It's just feels so happy :) I looked and looked everyday for it to give birth! apparently, the father of those baby guppies are their brothers from last batch! HAH.

Will be bringing Shay to visit aunty anna and kiara and kiara's unborn and baby xander tmr! miss them! Shay can also play with her kor kor and we can have our mummies talk!

BANGKOK

DREAMWORLD CHAMPION? LIKE REAL =D


OUR "WEDDING" CAR


OBSCENE OKAY..

ACTING CUTE DURING THE 4D MOVIE

TUK TUK

COFFEE BREAK

THE BIGGEST LAPTOP IN THE WORLD

CHAO PHRAYA RIVER

ON THE PLANE

TAKING THE MRT

PLATINUM FASHION MALL

THE ROADSIDE GIRL

NICE MEAL AT BURGER KING

BANGKOK DAY 1

Reached Thailand at abt 9am local time. Was so tired alr. Followed the tour guide and checked in out hotel- My Hotel. Went out for brunch at BUrger Kings! Headed to the main streets to check it out. Platinum fashion mall, pantip mall and the road sides stalls. YES! finally away from Singapore. hehee. Went back hotel to have a nap...woke up at 4pm. took the MRT to Silom where the Suan Lum Night Bazaar is. Walked around the area and the shopping mall till 7pm when it started to pour heavily. Had no choice but to seek shelter at a nearby office tower. Thanks to the rain, we had our second coffee in the night at a coffee house. Dear was so persistant in waiting for the rain to stop and go Suan Lum. But his clever wife decided not to waste any more time for the rain to stop and go MBK since it's a sheltered BIG shopping centre with many things to do. SO we took a tuk tuk which wasn't very rain- proof.

BANGKOK DAY 2

Woke up early for the half day city tour. Went Chao Phraya River, Floating Market and the GEMS factory. nothing much... After the tour, asked the driver to stop us at Chinatown. Ate our lunch at a restaurant. Cheap and quality food :) Shiok! walked ard abit and dear got bored...so we went MBK again. walk and walk. dear did his Thai massage and I did my manicure. decided that we watch a movie- GAMER. super cheap. SGD 4.00 only. don't really find this show nice. quite lame actually... went back to hotel for like 5 mins and we had to rush to TIGER SHOW. woah! this is really an eye opener show! went in the "pub"...only 3 couples and woman dancing with bra and panties..then show started...woman came up danced and then stripped. !dear and I was SHOCKED to the max.

<>

show 1: woman dancing, inserted ping pong balls into her V and pops the ball out to a jar.

show 2: woman dancing, pulls out at least 10m string from her V.

show 3: woman dancing, uses her V to blow out candles and shoot darts.

show 4: woman dancing, pours sprite into her V and pepsi came out.

show 5: woman dancing, asked a tourist to pull out at least 10 m of string with bells.

show 6: woman dancing, pulls out at least 10m string with flowers from her V.

show 7:woman writes "Welcome to thailand" with a brush in her V.

grand finale: a woman and a man having sex live showing all kinds of sex positions.

was quite angry and affected after the show..am really angry why would any woman do this kind of show and make use of their private parts for entertainment reason? it's really a very sad sad thing to see people actually doing all this to their body..

BANGKOK DAY 3

Found our way to DREAMWORLD. thanks to the very kind taxi driver, we were so scared that we'll get cheated $$. had so much fun there. sat the mini roller coaster for the warm up ride. heh. then headed to the haunted house because I thought that the haunted house would be less frightening as roller coasters.. but... in the end. i scream and sreamed from the entrance to the exit. haha. dear u must had a great laugh there.

went to sit the bumper cars and roller coaster again. sat the big splash. took many pics there. really worth it :)

Night time, followed the tour guide to CARABET SHOW (ah gua show). dear and I really enjoyed the show. not forgetting the 200 Baht which we gave them unwillingly as tips.

Dear contacted his Lt. Albert. and we went CLubbing!! with dear, his friend and the gf. we drank, we danced, dirty danced a little..and we puked. haha so much better.

BANGKOK DAY 4

Woke up just in time for the breakfast that just ended. showered and went out. to MBK again. did our last minute shopping there, ate watever we wanted to ate and headed back to hotel for the tour guide to fetch us to airport..and home sweet home :) for more photos check it out at my facebook :))))

THESE ARE THE VERY SWEET MEMORIES THAT WILL STAY IN MY HEART

HOME

went back to my Punggol home with shayenne to stay for a few days :) Collected Shayenne's passport at ICA building. like super long queue.
went Yum cha for high tea buffet and marina barrage! like what I said, the greatest love you can ever recieve is the love from our parents...

flying to Bangkok for 4D3N with dear next tuesday!!gonna have so much fun! gonna shop and shop eat and eat!